No oil…cooks our planet!

No coal…pollutes too much!

No ethanol…drives up food prices!

No nuclear energy…too much waste!

No wind power…kills bats!

No solar…manufacturing process pollutes, too costly for the poor!

No hydro…hurts an endangered, blind minnow in some babbling brook somewhere!

No power of any kind, except that which runs our own “earth friendly” cars, boats, planes, trains, houses, Macintoshes, Gore’s world-tour jet, $5-per-radish local organic-food grocers, and used-bookstore latte shops over which we ponder the musings of Nietzsche!

No exhalation…greenhouse gas emission!

No guns…ewww, they’re so, like, you know, like, violent and all!

No fishing…the hooks hurt their poor little fishy-lips!

No religion (except maybe Mother Earth worship)!

No babies (except our own of course)…Mother Earth/Gaia/World Organism/Residence-of-Our-Glory-the-Nature-Goddess is already too populated!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Yes only to locally-grown $5 radishes in organic salads, higher taxes forever, and tolerance…except, of course, toward any viewpoint espoused by conservative Christians, Republicans or red-meat consumers, any of which we shall label as “hatemongers”!

What national debt?