The Dumbest E-mails I Have Received

Roger Edwards

DISCLAIMER: These opinions are mine only, and do not represent my unnamed employer or anyone else in particular. If you have problems with what I am saying, address them directly to me, not my co-workers, supervisors, friends, relatives or neighbors...none of whom have any control over what I write on my own time and equipment (re: First Amendment).

New material added on 16 Mar 7

Here is just a small sample of some of the worst e-mail and BLOG messages I have received since the beginning of 1997. [Names were omitted if embedded in the text.] Some I answered, usually by pointing to the appropriate FAQ; and some were so bad I didn't feel like answering them. There will probably be more added with time!

These messages speak for themselves in illustrating the stunning, prevasive ignorance about weather science and writing skills in much of the general public. They also vividly illustrate the festering intellectual cesspool which the Internet has become in the few short years since its commercialization. These messages can also be rather funny if not taken too seriously!

Each e-mail is in blue, following a title I added (in bold white). After each message is a smart-_ss comment by me. [Don't worry, they weren't the real answers.] Enjoy...

NOTE: If the messages have tiny print, re-set your browser's default screen font size to 12-point or larger.

A Homework Assignment

hello my name is _____ i doing for my homework for my course. The cousre
is BIO 150 envormental also i study of weather. Iike to know wheb the 
weather will get better. Is this of call greenhouse effect or are going 
to cyicle every 1000 year. this will help me that you can lot of information 
to my e-mail this for my homework.Thank you

This kid (probably a high school student) needs to go back and study third-grade grammar, capitalization and punctuation before worrying about any "greenhouse effect." His projected grade: D+

Swirling Vortex of Doom

my name is ______ and my family and i have just relocated to san angelo tx 
by way of the us air force.  i have had several well meaning or at least i 
think well meaning people here give me little side comments about what i 
can expect from the tornado season here.  so needless to say now i am 
scared out of my wits.  i am from south fl and am use to hurricanes that 
you have a months warning of not this pop up out of no where swirling 
vortex of doom kind of stuff.  i have tried to look myself online (how i 
found your site) and am just more confused and worried.  can you give me 
any kind of specific info about this area and just how worried should i be.  
i did read yourlast entry and realize now that there is a limited ability 
to predict these kinds of things but i just need an experts opinion.  they 
do not have basements here in base housing but we are in a well constructed 
brick home.  any info or time you have is great thanks so much. 

It never ceases to amaze me that people don't know what a SHIFT key is, especially considering that it's the largest one on most keyboards outside the space bar!

"Beleave" It Was It!

I beleave it was it in 1968 that a nasty twister set down flowing from evergreen pk.
thru hwy 7 to the lake. took us 3 da to find my uncle. his car was in the path of
the tail as it set down suddenly. it set him down in a field all tires removed from
the car,glass, car set upright he had a punctured lung some broken ribs.
I have seen twisters go along jump over a house and then take out the others
in it's path as well as leaving houses on one side un touched while the other side
all wiped out
nice photos you have

First, I am sorry his uncle was hurt and glad he wasn't killed. Second, I appreciate the compliments. Third, this is a certifiably stupid e-mail anyway!

Blame the Chasers

I understand that storm chasing is dangious, and further more I do not
have that skill, but I listen to scanners to hear all the fun that
chasers are having, well not fun as fun but getting to vedio tornadoes
and watching them, and some help save lives as well, from what I,am told
that storm chasers hope that these  tornadoes do not move into populated
areas, some  of them actually get throwned at by the public, as I have
seen and heard after the Oklahoma city tornado, where a resident had
chased a chaser off there property and the media who was with them, it
seems like sometimes the public blames the chasers! maybe you have not
seen things like this but I have, my question is any reason why the
public at times seems to be mad at , or perhaps blame the chasers?   

The answer is simple: Such so-called "storm chasers" have even less intellect than what is on display in this guy's horrendous piece of writing; and they behave even worse! I say they deserve to be "throwned at."

Lousy Composition on Lousy Composition

I wasted my time looking at SKYPIX and -What's the big deal your photos 
clouds, storms, are a dime a dozen and besides they composition is lousy 

That's a valid opinion, I guess. By contrast, several book, CD-ROM, magazine, website and calendar publishers, quite a few fellow photographers, and hundreds of others who have e-mailed me over the years, disagree about "they composition." You're outvoted. Good-bye.

Ill-educated Algorithmic Evaluation

hi i really like your website
trying to learn the different things to look for tornados .i have
stormlab great program i saw a few tvs on it how can i tell if its a
acuall tornado,,,[capitalized name omitted]

Thank you for your support and noble aspirations. To assess the performance of the TVS, or any other radar algorithm, one first should attain an educational level conducive to at least fundamental utilization of the concepts of grammar, capitalization, punctuation, spelling, usage and sentence structure.

Living in Fear

i am very scared of tornados and the sirens when they go off i
have been trying to find a way to get over my fear of them but i don't
know how i have tryed to stand and watch one but i got very scared more
so how do i get over my fear i am 25 years old and i feel very dumb for
being scared of them i have been all my life but i cant seem to get out
of my fear why am i so scared of them is what i am trying to figure out
how do u get over ur fear of tornado's//   also i dont understand why
pepole like to chase them and spot them why?   thanks [uncapitalized
name mercifully omitted]

Clearly this woman is far less scared of tornadoes than of the SHIFT key. Believe me, her reasons to "feel very dumb" have nothing at all to do with any fear of storms, but instead, are self-evident in this pile of compositional sewage.

Looking Sherry

It looks sherry, but I have nervier seen a tornado. I have nervier seen
a funnel, although many years ago I saw what was to be a tornado that 
struck a town then lifted back up in the sky. The town was a few miles away, 
later I saw a big long white funnel lying in the sky it was not spinning. up 
to this date,my question you is, could this have been the tornado that had 
struck the town just some miles from us and that was the tornado that lifted 
back up in the sky?Please send back a message.                 

My "answer you is" that I don't know. I wasn't there; and I didn't see it. Please send a better-written message. This one made me "nervier." I do know this: I would like to have seen a tornado which looked like wine (sherry)!

Decorating with Commas

You can view these photo,s if you ever get bored,,,,,,,,this is what
happened to me when I planned to go about 100 miles out of city limits
to do some small time chasing,,,,,,when suddenly this happens,,,,,,,,,I
found myself stuck at home listining to noaaah weather radio, and eating
pop-corn and drinking soda,s instead of my regional plans,,,,,,,,I only
wonder if other real storm chasers ever find themselfs in this
situration,,,,,,,at any rate,,,,,hope your luck is far better then mine

How many times can one person fall asleep with his finger on the comma key in one short message? My daughter, at age six, could properly punctuate and spell everything written above by this person, who is known to be over 18. Why couldn't he?

Far Bad Enough

I Have seen this tornado in many many storm chasing shows, mostly on the
science and history channels on cable t.v. The oklahoma city tornado was the
worst out of them all 318 mile-per-hour record breaking winds where clocked 
on doppler on wheels. though the spencer tornado was far bad enough. my 
question is why do tornadoes on the averge do not hit in populated areas?why 
do they occur mostly in open land county? and second if strong thunder-storms 
are present, and the temputures are hovering in the low 50s, does this mean 
not to have no concern for tornadoes?

This poor fellow's SHIFT key must have failed after the first two words! Perhaps the "temputure" was too cold and it got stuck. Tornadoes in Louisiana, I suppose, strike in "open land parish" instead of "open land county." This message was definitely "far bad enough."

Hear Yeal, Hear Yeal

How can I send in weather informachion to yeal like hail,tornados ect?

That depends on who the heck "yeal" is. If he has a FAX machine, then wire it to him that way. Otherwise, I suggest the telephone or a postal letter. As for "ect," that is a new form of severe weather of which I am not aware. Please enlighten me on its nature.

Tornadoes Forming LIVE on Your Web Page

i have an brand new suggestion for you
 is to air an new 3d weather map shouw watch and warnings
map so everytime that theres and bad storm the the 3d  image will let 
us see the torandos form LIVE on your webpage so how about it?
this will improve your website 100% give a try and email me back

I have a brand new suggestion for you: Go back to elementary school; and learn how to write coherent, properly spelled and correctly punctuated English!

The Longest Yard...of Nonsense!

Can you plese tell me were the biggest tornados will be this year and 
how strong they will be so that i can be ready in case they will be 
really close to were i live here in _____ [misspelled town and 
state ommitted...] and if they are can i get the storm sellar ready 
with like packs of batterys and a long suply of unpershable food si 
that the tornados is what well all be ready to handle and well be safe 
from theer furey.

Such wretched ignorance and carnal inability to communicate speak volumes about the writer. No more elaboration is needed.

The Poster Child for Lousy Schools

body=As a local resident and consearned citizen of Munford I feel that
next year we should focus more on our school accademics instead of thier
apperance. We should also cut back on a few more sport programs instead
of biology books.  I speeck as a consearded parent and past student  

First: Why did you send this here? Second: Given the spelling you learned in Munford's school system, I can see why they should focus more on academics!

The Aspiring Chaser from Yukon, Oklahoma

hey i was just wandering where are classes in oklahoma to become an
amature storm chaser, i have been storm chasing before in western 
oklahoma but i would sure love to be a certified storm chaser will you 
please email me back and gove me all this information thanks i would 
greatly appreciate it, by the way my name is _____ and i live in Yukon, 

Hey, my finger is just wandering directly to the "DELETE" key. That is all a single sentence? Wow. If this is any indication of the level of education in Yukon schools, I certainly won't be sending my kids there!

Natural Hurricanes in Arkansas

Hi, I would like to ask you help me information about natural hurricane
forecast in Arkansas on July to August.... I just looking to can't find
natural hurricane in arkansas.. please help me .. let me to know about
my project in class " natural hurricane forecast" from July to August 
like something like screw up, hosicanse and etc please help me.. thank 
u so much

Yes, you (not "u", but "you") definitely need help! Considering the fact that Arkansas probably has not had a natural hurricane since the Cretaceous period (at least 60 million years ago), this will be a difficult project to undertake. As far as I know, there has never been an unnatural hurricane in Arkansas either. Now, this "hosicanse" phenomenon stokes my curiosity the most: What in the name of Bill Clinton is it?

A Weather Cap Map

say did you ever heard about a brand new map for weather and its called
the wearher cap map when theres a bad snowstorm or thunderstorn or any
storm comes across usa the weather cap map will go into action it will
pick any spot on the new weather cap map for no rainfall or snowfall
in the usa see what you can do to create this new  high teck new weather
cap map so in far in wisconsin we been getting no rain when theres bad
storm coming today it brack part move over to michagain there will NO

Either this person let his/her cat romp on the keyboard or he/she really is an obtuse ignoramus. Maybe both!

The 50-time Twister Watcher

I always  have seen twister's on Tv, this picture's look so real the
first one was a f-4 the second one was an f-5  I wacth the movie twister 
about 50 or more times so I know what to look out for matter of fact I 
seen one geting ready to form but it went a differnt way it turn South. 
I could'nt say a world.all I could say was hu,hu,hu,hu.

All I can say is that this writer may benefit immensely from a rubber room and a straitjacket.

Proof that Illiteracy Remains a Problem

I've have alway's been on the look out for Twister's, I saw one about 2
year's ago, my father was coming on the back porch, and all I could do
was point and say hua .hua this twister wasn't build up at , and it
looked like it was going South. well that night we heard that it got
pretty bad down the sout way, even thought I've been wacthing the sky's
durring the summer, this day I don't ever want to see one,
that one that I did see was aenought for me, your's turly ______

My fellow Americans...though I am ashamed to admit it, one of you really wrote this message! It begs the obvious questions:

  1. What is more intelligent, the human or the tapeworm?
  2. How and why does such a person have e-mail access?

More Proof that Illiteracy Remains a Problem

When Do you think lincoln illinois will get hit bye a tornadoe? 

The more pressing question is whether that will happen before this person learns how to spell and capitalize correctly!

The Nutty Deputy

Since you're a renouned expert.  Please tell me all about tornadoes and 
lightning and how to go fidn them.  I'm willing to learn.  You don't need 
to take too long, just explain how to forecast and chase storms maybe in 
just a few minutes.  Again I'm willing to learn and be a good partner, 
which reminds me, can you take me on all your chases this year?  I can 
read maps good and I love storms, I have been spotting storms for 16 years 
here in _____ County with the Sherriff's dept.  I am licensed radio and
trained in law enforcement.  Do you have room for a big storm nut!


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