Shallwo, WRothless Gabrage!

This BLOG has a long history of opinionated venting on all manner of topics, no subject spared the polemics. Some days I can get very serious.

Today is no such day. This entry is devoted entirely to the trivial and stupid, and to irrevocable proof for all posterity that I can and will admit my mistakes. It is the most superficial and needless BLOG entry I’ve done. And yet, here goes…

See, I am a lousy typist. My hands are too big, the keyboard too small, my coordination hopelessly clumsy. Out of my efforts come countless mangled words, some utterly unrecognizable by humans or spelling-control algorithms. Thank God for proofreading. Even then, the occasional keyboard gaffe slips out, as smoke through a keyhole, undetected but no less out there.

Below are my most common typos, not in any particular order of frequency. They are ceaseless sources of aggravation and humility for me, entertainment when spell-checkers offer alternatives, and shallow amusement for others. If I start laughing while running an spell-checker, you know why!

The day of inexpensive, nearly perfect voice-to-text for everyday work and home use cannot come soon enough! [Of course, will it decipher a Texas accent reliably?] With these and others, is it any wonder that an average paragraph for me contains 10-20 typos in raw form?

    teh (the) — Yeah, everybody does it. I’m not so strange after all.

    mroe (more) — Transposition: fingers moving too fast for their limited accuracy.

    Edwads (Edwards) — Who needs to be able to spell their own name?

    Edwrads (Edwards) — Ditto!

    Elek (Elke) — My first public admission of this inexcusable error. Good thing I have such a forgiving and gracious spouse.

    ROger from TExas — Finger on SHIFT key a little too long. Told you I was uncoordinated. Happens with about 1/5 of all words needing capital letters; worse, many spell-checkers don’t know what to do with this type of error, and don’t offer the correct choice at all.

    than (thank) — One of several missed-letter errors that turn into other legitimate words and escape spell-checkers. Need to hit the “K” key harder.

    tough (trough) — Ditto, except need to hit the “R” key harder.

    troguh (trough) — Turning a weather word into a sound a frog makes.

    fa;; (fall) — Big, badly aimed fingers, tiny little keys…

    ,arine (marine) — Ditto.

    stirm (storm) — Ditto.

    Mia,i (Miami) — Ditto. No spell-checker in existence will fix this, either.

    wither (either) and either (wither) — Neighbor keys that offer actual but erroneous words.

    f00d (food) — Missed o, hit 0 (zero). Why do those keys need to be neighbors?

    2o1o (2010) — Ditto.

    spa e bar (space bar) — What I hit instead of the bottom-row letter about 1/5 of the time. In this case it yielded two real word (“spa” and the mathematical function “e”) that a spell-checker won’t catch.

    [athetic (pathetic) — Describes my typing well.

    described (describes), and vice versa — Adjacent keys that change the tense of a verb!

    9parenthetical) [(parenthetical)] — SHIFT-key timing sucks.

    43.50 ($3.50) — Ditto.

    Rog4r (Roger) — Another “next-door key” error. When doing it with a number, however, spell-checkers don’t catch it, or don’t offer the correct alternative.

    lpoice (police) — Yes, a 3-neighbor letter transposition!

    greta (great) — Happens at least half the time. Only Mrs. Van Susteren would approve.

    thudnerstrom (thunderstorm) — Letter-swap times two! A meteorologist should know better.

    5hudnerstrim (thunderstorm) — One example among many of why spell-checkers often give me the “Unrecognizable Word” error.

    shoudl (should) — Over-eager fingers again. Transposition demons, begone!

    codl (cold) — Ditto. Substitute any word ending in “ld” and the scope of the problem grows by that multiple.

    clikc (click) — Ditto. Substitute any word ending in “ck” and the scope of the problem becomes dreadfully apparent.

    movign (moving) — Ditto. Substitute any word ending in “ing” and the problem becomes absolutely out of control.

    shit (shift) — The hangup here is that spell-checkers usually let this one slide. Not cool.

    — Accidentally hit the CAPS LOCK again

ENouhg fo thsi gabrage fro nwo. GOod nigth!


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