If This Doesn’t Beat All

Fellow longtime fans of the Cowboys, please don’t choke on your Texas mesquite-smoked pork as you ponder the irony: Rob Ryan is the new defensive coordinator.

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of someone from the ever-despised Ryan family, one of the direct genetic spawn of the manifestly evil Buddy the Bounty Hunter, instigator of one of the most diabolical scandals in the history of our beloved blue-star franchise, as a coach employed by same.

Could this be true, a full-time coordinator for the Dallas Cowboys Football Club, coaching for the coach who played for the coach whose players were targeted by the bounty set by the coach who is the father of the coach who now is the defensive coordinator for the team targeted by said bounty?

Where are we? Who am I? What’s reality? Have we warped unknowingly through some wormhole in the space-time continuum and emerged from the other side with the football world inverted into unrecognizability? Someone, anyone, wake me. For 21 years I’ve been dreaming of feeding pork chops to Rob Ryan’s dad, and it must stop now.


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