Forget Oysters, Eat Pearls!

The phenomenon of ridiculous disclaimers has become widespread and well-known in this, the era of cover-your-ass litigation protection. Still, as a longtime booster of idealism and common sense, I found the following to be a sad statement on our tort system, beneath its superficial veneer of humorous overstatement. My teenage daughter was laughing incredulously when she showed it to me…

Do we really need to tell parents and their pubescent through teenage kids, at whom such products are aimed, that jewelry isn’t candy? Whomever is either sufficiently immature or obtuse to treat brass earrings as tasty comestibles isn’t likely to be reading such warnings to begin with, whether from ignorance or illiteracy. Chances are, given the unrepentant, shameless bloodthirstiness of the sort of trial lawyers who would accept such a case, those words aren’t worth the paperboard they’re printed upon anyway, should somebody’s kid decide to dine on a necklace.

I’ll have stir-fried cufflinks with my baked bracelets, please, and caramel-dipped torquoise nuggets for dessert…



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