Retail Double Entendres

A few days ago, I was cleaning out accumulated detritus in my office desk, when I came across a funny little treasure that I had saved from last March. I got the following while purchasing some provisions in a grocery store in rural North Carolina.

You may ask, “What on earth is “BONE SUCKIN MUST”? Sorry to disappoint, but it’s actually nothing obscene or suggestive, just a locally produced and totally legitimate brand of mustard sauce. It made me wonder what other abbreviated entries with unintentional entendres appear on receipts and stickers from stores. Then one came to mind…

Several years ago, I bought Rich T (a.k.a., Roach) a gag gift of a giant rubber cockroach from a children’s toy, novelty and party store in the NW part of Norman. When the cashier (a sweet and innocent-looking college age girl) rang it up, the electronic display read in inch-high green lettering, “GIANT COCK.” Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. That’s exactly what it said. I pointed this out to her, asking, “Is that what your inventory scan was supposed to say?” She looked at the sign and let out an audible gasp. Quite red-faced, she replied, “Uh, uh, hmm…(stammering severely by now) I, I, I don’t think so! I’m so sorry!” The sticker on the roach’s packaging read the same way, which I also pointed out.

I should have sent stuff like this to Leno for his “Headlines” segment, but I’m too lazy. I think Rich still has that roach (in original packaging) somewhere, though.

Who needs fiction when one has truth?


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