The community activist organization ACORN never was known as a particularly “fair and balanced” bunch, and its ceaseless parade of election fraud raids and accusations hasn’t helped its reputation one bit. ACORN once was a legal client of Barack Obama’s, so it’s not hard to imagine the implicit political litmus test voters must pass to be registered by that organization: vote early, vote often, nevermind if you’re a felon or U.S.citizen, and vote Democrat.

I had to laugh, however, when I read tonight that ACORN allegedly tried to register the Dallas Cowboys as voters in Nevada, a pivotal “swing state” in the upcoming presidential election.

“[Nevada] Secretary of State Ross Miller said the fraudulent registrations included forms for the starting lineup of the Dallas Cowboys football team.

“Tony Romo is not registered to vote in the state of Nevada, and anybody trying to pose as Terrell Owens won’t be able to cast a ballot on Nov. 4,” Miller said.”

This is one case where I wish somebody wasn’t a Cowboys fan. What I wonder is: How shamelessly dumb must that registrant have been to think he could sign up Tony Romo, Marion Barber, Terrell Owens, DeMarcus Ware, Jason Witten, Felix Jones and the rest to vote and someone wouldn’t notice? Equally alarming was the tidbit that all but 6 out of 1,800 names they registered in Washington two years ago were fake. Their actions in the 2004 cycle yielded an avalanche of charges of vote-buying, bogus registration, and voter intimidation tactics in various urban areas all across this land. And on and on…

Congratulations, fACORN. You’ve added a new level of ludicrous legend to your status as poster child for vote-rigging shenanigans.

This has me wondering. Will John Elway, Dan Marino and Troy Aikman be surprised to find out they each voted for Obama 38 times in Phoenix, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Milwaukee and Virginia Beach? Jesse “The Body” Ventura might vote for Obama in ten states without even realizing it. Casting ballots from the grave, of course, is a prized tradition in that organization. Who will they register next in Vegas, St. Louis and elsewhere…26 Duke Waynes, 41 Frank Sinatras and 115 Elvis Presleys?

Hell, you don’t even need to be a dead U.S. citizen to vote Democratic thanks to ACORN. I wonder where Napoleon Bonaparte, Winston Churchill, Sun Tzu, Judas Iscariot and Julius Caesar will show up on urban voter lists this year. How about entirely fictional names…think some Obama votes will come from Fred Flintstone, Scooby Doo, Martin Martian and Rudolph Reindeer? What are they going to use for the last names of Gilligan, Catwoman, Liberace, Socrates, Popeye and Tutankhamen?

Did you realize animals and plants can vote? it wouldn’t be surprising to see Polar Bear, Chinook Salmon, King Cobra, Loblolly Pine and Spotted Owl punching the Obama-Biden ticket in a few urban precincts. The Democrats might even find they’ve got the vote of inanimate objects after seeing names like Water Fountain, Fishing Pier, Septic Tank, Andromeda Galaxy and Master Cylinder on the registration lists.

Ahh, election season…gotta love it.

[EDIT – 6 days later] Thanks to the St. Petersburg Times and the Orange County Election Board, we now have this (government agency = public domain) image of ACORN’s registration of Mickey Mouse to vote in Florida.

And you thought I was kidding about cartoon characters?

What I wonder now is, would Bush’s razor-thin popular vote loss to Gore be turned to a victory if all the bogus votes somehow could be subtracted from the 2000 election? It’s at least possible.


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