Destroying a Dell PC with a Rifle

What We Do in Oklahoma to Badly Behaved Electronics
Part 2 of 4 in the series…

Merle Haggard had it right in Okie from Muskogee. This ain’t no pinko pacifist commune with a bunch of harp-pluckin’, flute-blowin’, sandal wearin’ hippies passin’ around “free love” and tokin’ drags off some spit-soaked ganja bong. No, around here the folks are friendly and hospitable, but we don’t take a likin’ to gittin’ jacked around by thieves. Bad electronics are thieves, by definition, takin’ without permission a person’s time, money and effort. Stealin’ any of ’em is almost as bad in these parts as rustlin’ cattle, swipin’ somebody’s bird dog, stealin’ a horse, or pullin’ in a trotline that ain’t yours, and the digital device that does it could be sentenced to die.

For bad electronics, we became judge, jury and executioner. The capital punishment of terminally malfeasant electronics didn’t end with RJ’s Gateway laptop. Next on the firing line: A Dell tower PC, which also had committed one “FATAL ERROR” too many. It should come as no surprise, then, that the computer in the right center of this photo would be dealt a breed of redneck justice deserving of its long rap sheet of digital transgressions.

Why use a .22 rifle instead of something with more punch…say, a larger caliber Glock pistol or .357? Those munitions were available, but it was no occasion for electronic compassion. Blowing the PC (and its laptop predecessor) to smithereens all at once would be too merciful for such a slow-as-molasses, error-spewing, self-rebooting, CPU-overheating, blue-screen flashing POS. And thus…

Ready, aim, fire! And fire, and fire, bullet holes riddling the box and its diabolical contents until the side cover started to split off, then fell away completely. Note the bull’s-eye shots to the Dell logo between the time the cover begins to drop off and when it is in mid-fall.

After ripping a fusillade of small caliber fire through the front, we turned the doomed PC sideways. RJ blasted it some more, until the whole thing fell over and landed.

Like the Arizona ranger in Big Iron, RJ’s aim was swift and sure, as testified by the close proximity of these several slugs in an internal aluminum grille. Not all of the computer was built like crap, though. Look closely after the grille was removed and placed on a surface (conveniently, another Dell label). The soft aluminum plates nicely absorbed and dispersed the kinetic energy and didn’t allow the slugs to get through their baseplate. Maybe this kind of metalwork could be used in larger scale on military vehicles for added protection against small arms fire, IED shrapnel and even absorption of some of the impact of RPGs.

And so went the morning pyrotechnics. Next came the really brutal weapon of digital destruction, unleashed on two most deserving targets.

Next: How to Demolish a Nokia 6340i Cell Phone


One Response to “Destroying a Dell PC with a Rifle”

  1. Gilbert on July 7th, 2006 11:33 am

    Dude. You shot a Dell(tm)!

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